Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
