I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
