I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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