At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's great music for shaving your balls
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
