I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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