Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I want her autograph on my taint
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When did we convert life to cartoon?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
