I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
