bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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