Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
