Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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