when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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