i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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