You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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