Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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