Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
