i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
