You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
