Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
