Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
