a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
