I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
