The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize