I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
