just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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