I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
