I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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