My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
