I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
