you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
