god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
