I want you more than these girls want KFC
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
