The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
