remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I understand Curling. That high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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