Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
