Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
zippers are such a cool invention
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize