i need an iv and a liver transplant
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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