dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
