they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
