you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
