There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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