Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish you could order shots online.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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