he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
