Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
