If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
