singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
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