I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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