There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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