I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
