How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He better not be in your backpack
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
