RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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