hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
