Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
