: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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