Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
