***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my being single is dangerous.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
