hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
