God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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