So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
