o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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