i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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