Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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