I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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