I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
