Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
